HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER (valentines day 2008)

In asking the question, ‘How to be a better lover?’ we are looking at two options: multiple lovers and singular devotion. If we go back to ancient Egyptian times we will see that they had gods of fertility, gods of childbirth, they had moon gods and sun gods; a god for pretty much everything you could need. Today we still make gods out of things that make us feel better. But today’s gods are different, they tend to be gods of beauty, or fame, or financial success, or reputation. But is there a problem in having lots of gods, lots of things that shape our lives, things from which we draw our significance?
As Christians we would say yes, there is a problem. There is only one true God, so quite simply, having lots of gods breaks the first commandment: ‘You must not have any other gods before me.’
‘Ah!’ say the Postmodernists, ‘That is the problem. As soon as you go to church you discover dogmatism, exclusivity, only one God, there is no freedom of choice. We don’t want to hear that stuff. We want freedom.’
But freedom isn’t just choosing what we want, allowing as many things as we like to give us the significance we want. Freedom is operating within the boundaries set by God. The best analogy I can think of to help us understand is that of the pet fish.
You’re very attached to your little pet fish, you’ve had him for years, you’ve had many ups and downs together and he’s always been there for you. And one day you decide, my little fish has never seen life, he’s never run through the autumn leaves, he’s never seen New York in winter, never really lived. So you lift him out of his little tank, pack his overnight case and strap it carefully onto hi back and you fly first class together to see the sights of New York. Have you set you pet fish free? No, you’ve killed him.
Freedom isn’t just breaking away from the things that constrain us, freedom is learning that a full and free life is discovered when you enter into the depths of a love relationship with Jesus Christ. He satisfies our needs, but if we have lots of gods, be they fame, success, beauty, they compete and we become fractured people without focus. We never feel that we have achieved, for when we’re doing fine on the fame front, we’re failing somewhere else.
Take for example a young lady who’s not particularly pretty, but she’s extremely successful in business. What will shape her life, what will give her a sense of significance? Her appearance or her success? Obviously it will be her success. So while she might talk about freedom of choice, freedom to love what she wants to love, to follow the goals she wants to follow, in reality she’s operating within boundaries.
What sin do we commit when we have many gods, when we go after whichever god will best meet our needs? When we pursue gods other than Jesus, when we put other things before him, God says that’s sin.
So what’s the cure?
When Jesus died on the cross he was devoted to one God, his Father. Jesus had every reason to follow another god when he cried out, ‘Why have you forsaken me?’ But he didn’t. He remained unswervingly loyal, devoted to one God. Jesus took our place, he lived the perfect life and he says to us, ‘I lived for you, I died for you, I have pleased God. Receive me and you receive what I have done on your behalf.’
That’s freedom, for then you don’t have to please any other god, for the true God says to you, ‘You’re beautiful, you’re successful, and you’re famous, for every angel in heaven knows your name.
That’s the gospel.
How to be a better lover? Simply love Jesus and be completely satisfied in all he gives.

INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

We are pre-disposed to think in a negative way. We tend to think, ‘We go about our lives trying to look good, we go to work, we arrive on time, we keep the lawns trimmed, we do the exams, but in the end all is doom. No matter what we do, God sees us as miserable worms whom he’d happily squash. Deep down we think we are nothing, we see our faults and failings and say, ‘Yes, he’s right. I am a miserable worm.’ But is this really what God says?

Enter John the Baptist, not a very conventional guy. He’s the cousin you dread; the one who turns up for Christmas dinner with a locust between his teeth, and he complements it with wild honey. Why choose a man like that to ‘Prepare the way of the Lord’?

Well, he might have been a bit weird, but he did have a healthy self-image. Listen to what he says to the people who travel far into the desert to hear his teachings, ‘After me will come one more powerful than I, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie.’

That was a job reserved for the lowest slave; no Jew would ever do that. John considered himself powerful, but not good enough to reach the lowest level of servitude. And yet he does not see himself as a ‘miserable worm.’ No, what he’s saying is, ‘I am nothing compared to God, but I am something, I have value.’
We see this again from the heavenly bird when Jesus was baptised by John in the river Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.’
Now there’s some strong language going on here: the heavens were torn open. Isn’t that the way with God? He never does anything quietly; he comes with a shout, billows roar, smoke fills the temple, there’s fire, earthquakes, noise – but this time out comes a dove! And a voice says, ‘You are my Son whom I love, with whom I am well pleased.’
Even Jesus, the Son of God needed to be told ‘You are my Son whom I love,’ and if we think we don’t need to hear those words we’re mistaken.
There’s something about life that makes us feel unworthy, insignificant, a worm. But God says you’re precious, honoured, and if you’re a Christian he says, ‘You’re my child. I love you. I am well pleased with you.’
But how can that be? We know our faults and failings, sometimes we feel like a worm, a mistake and not a success story, we know who we are. In Psalm 22, the prophecy of Jesus on the cross we read, ‘I am a worm and not a man. I am scorned and despised by all! Everyone who sees me mocks me.’
Who became the worm, the one of no significance, the one whom people despised and mocked? Jesus did, and if he became the worm, if he took all the insignificance and the feelings of failure, what do we become?
We become the beautiful ones, for he switched places with us on the cross.
Do you feel insignificant? A failure? A mistake? Jesus says, ‘Take your eyes off the worm, look at the dove as he comes down from heaven, hear the voice saying, ‘I took your place, I died for your ugliness, accept that and you will have all my significance, and all my righteousness.’
That’s the gospel.

THE ARCHBISHOP'S STORM - a measured response

Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, has created quite a stir of recent days with his comment that he can foresee a place for certain aspects of Shari-ah law in Britain in the future. Without question, even though the Archbishop may have uttered the words, much of the stirring has been done by the media. Amidst the excessive and inflammatory language and pictures of beheadings that mark many reactions to his words, we would like to quietly contribute our view from a somewhat more reasoned perspective.

Our main issue with the Archbishop’s comments lies with the fact that for Muslims there can be no separation of state and faith. They are one and the same thing. Therefore to introduce elements of Shari-ah law into the legal code of Britain is fundamentally flawed and could only be corrected by the insistence that the Islam faith is also introduced either fully or in the same proportion as the legal requirements. Muslims describe ‘Islam as a total way of life’ and faith, politics, law and society must be regulated and governed as a whole by that one code of Quranic’ belief. The Christian church is quite different in its position often quoting Mt 22:21 "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." For Christians no contention therefore exists when they live in a country of another religion or of none. No obligation exists that demands we change it by necessity. The Christian community is made up of Christians who worship and fellowship together. For Muslims however the faith and state are the community.

Therefore any integration of Shari-ah law into the British judicial system is by definition incomplete to the Muslim mind and indeed even insulting that their faith should be treated as a pick and mix variety stall. It is little different from how a Christian would react if Statutory authorities were to review the Bible and issue an amended version for the British populace with the full endorsement of the Privy Council. Of course the British government may learn from other cultural and judicial systems and often does. However any new introductions are seen as thoroughly British and incorporated into our judicial system rather than a subset of another judicial system designed to satisfy a certain element of the general population.

We have no interest in joining those who are vociferously condemning the Archbishop at this time but to say, on this occasion, we believe his comments lacked the rigor and maturity which we may have expected from one who is so undoubtedly academically able.

FAITH IS ENTREPRENEURIAL

Matthew 14 tells the familiar story of Jesus walking on the water. He had just fed 5,000 people, and they were still following him, so he sent his disciples on ahead, across the lake in their boat while he dismissed the people. We’re told he went up the mountainside alone to pray, and while he was there, night fell. Soon the boat was a considerable way out, buffeted by the wind and waves that spring up without warning on the Sea of Galilee.

Some time between three o’clock and six o’clock, Jesus came to them, and understandably they were frightened. ‘It’s a ghost!’ they cried, but Jesus calmed them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Take courage. I am here.’Then Peter said a strange thing: ‘Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you.’ What if it hadn’t been Jesus, but that’s entrepreneurial faith, a faith that wants to explore new territories, to take unfamiliar paths, to see something new, to be creative, explosive. It’s pushing boundaries; loving when we are expected to hate, forgiving when we are expected to seek revenge. That’s what the church should be like.But faith is also fragile, for soon Peter took his eyes off Jesus and his perspective on life changed. He saw the waves and he began to sink. What has changed? He had just demonstrated that he could walk on water; he believed he could do the impossible, and suddenly he can’t. The answer is he was afraid, and fear can destroy us, it can cripple us from doing even the things we know we can do.
It’s like when I was teaching my son to ride his bike. Off he went on his own shouting, ‘Are you still holding me dad?’ and as long as I lied to him he was fine. Then I ran beside him and he saw that he was cycling solo, and ‘CRUNCH!’ He could ride his bike, but fear disabled him.
‘Save me Lord!’ screamed Peter, and immediately Jesus reached out and lifted him. Peter disbelieved: ‘Why did you doubt me?’ said Jesus. Was he cross? No, he responded with non-judgemental compassion. Why? Because Jesus knew that one day soon he would sink in Peter’s place, so Peter wouldn’t have to. ‘I did the sinking for you Peter, I can raise you up.’ So it is in our lives, when we are sinking, when we have failed, Jesus says, I have gone down for you, I have taken your place, I can forgive you. Even when you go down to the grave, I can give you life because I died in your place.’On those nights when it’s dark, when the wind is blowing, and our boats seem so small, when we feel that we’ve been cast aside, I will meet you on the water. I went down in your place, I can lift you up.
That’s the Gospel.

WHO AM I?

In the book of Exodus in the Bible, God said, 'I am.'

I guess he knew who he was and what he was about. In the North of Ireland most Protestants struggle with their identity. Are we Irish? Northern Irish? British? Ulster Scots?

We will achieve little in our lives, in our churches or economies unless we know who we really are and feel at home with it. How can we sell a product if we don't believe in it? How can we sell our country for tourism or investment if we are uneasy with who we are? If we are created in God's image surely we should be addressing these things in the church for the good of society and culture so that we can reflect a true knowledge of who we are.
Too often the church defines itself by who or what we are not. 'Come ye out from among them,' simply means we are not like them. Could it be said of many churches and Christians, 'I am not, therefore I am.'?
This is not an identity, this is a negative reaction to the world around us. It is this very process that has left us culturally disconnected from society.

How can the church address this problem?

SHOULD CHRISTIAN ORGANISATIONS ACCEPT LOTTERY MONEY?

Is it wrong for Christians to enjoy or to benefit from Lottery money or a project, a cause or a building that has been funded by Lottery money?
If so, is it possible to avoid it completely? Like the old Sabbath argument if you take it to the extreme; you switch on a light on the Sabbath and you’re responsible for requiring Power Station workers to work.
What you're saying is that you're not prepared to accept money from anyone who has made it through gambling or by 'dubious' means? Therefore, the issue is not really gambling or 'dubious' means, rather it's a judgement of the character of the person. And it gets more complicated, for then you're refusing to co-operate with anyone who has benefited from gambling or has received lottery funding. Where do you draw the line?

Dr Billy Graham was once asked a similar question. His answer was that since God owns everything, then it's not for us to judge which channel he chooses to use to bless – or fund – us financially. Is this the Mother of all cop-outs or is he on to something?

IS IT ABUSE TO SMACK YOUR CHILD?

Some say, 'Spare the rod and spoil the child'. Others say that since it's an offence to hit an adult, why should it be considered OK to hit a child. And then you have Agony Aunt, Anne Atkins saying that there's a difference between hitting and smacking. Seems to me that the word 'smack' is a euphemism for 'hit'.

My personal experience is that I didn't make a habit of smacking my kids, who are all grown up now. On the few occasions I did, I either gave them a choice of a smack on the bottom or to be sent to their room. I never smacked in anger but with the benefit of hindsight I think it's wrong to smack, angry or not.

However, the main issues here are

• Should the government have a say in such family matters?


• Would a law banning smacking be enforceable?


• Would it give an opportunity for children to blackmail loving parents?

What do you think?